Gabrea Journal
The ongoing adventures of three Libertines in love!

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Friday, April 28, 2006

"tears in my tequila" -or- the longest 5 days ever

Friday, april 28th, 4:20 pm, pacific standard time-warp. I am alone in mexico, and though not physically lost, i am lost without my woman.

Andrea has travelled back to the States - Indiana to be exact, and I miss her. A-lot. Her being on a caring and loving mission for our family fails to take the sting out of the day, though i am glad our loved ones are basking in her loving glow.

Love letters are rarely public reading. Most famous love letters are only known to the masses long after the death of said lovers (think Keats, and a variety of other dead poets who's names lie forgotten somewhere in my mind along with algebra, geometry, and what i did while i was in my twenties). Much like the act of making it (love, that is), writing it for public consumption tends to show parts of us that we don't really want others to see. For if they did, what would people think? Am I pussy whipped? Am I not as tough as i sell myself as? Does my ass look fat? Though that last line was more towards the "making it" part of public love, the question remains valid.

Let's move on, and make some things clear. I am whipped - not by just pussy but by the entire body of work that is my woman. What I'm selling is this - i am a tough f***er, but you may lose some money if you are buying with hopes of me winning a prize fight, unless the prize fight is love. And most importantly what you need to know if you don't already is that i won the jackpot when i met my wife, Andrea Leigh Stoops - now a Villarrubia for better or worse.

You see, love ain't easy, and loving me is even harder. I have taken full advantage of life, and have developed a life-style that is born of a libertine mentality far before i even knew what that meant. Danger comes in many forms, and i have always welcomed the warm embrace of personal risk like a lover that treats me bad, but alas, i have survived to write about it. Let's drink to that. It is often said that its better to know love and lost, than to never loved at all. I cant help but think whoever wrote that never had their heart torn apart to the point of non-functioning. I know heart break - how it can close you down to the real love that awaits us all in life, and nurture fear that is the destroyer of life, along with the devil whe know, regret.

That's where my woman came in. In my book, she is a young lady up for saint-hood, if there was some sort of application i could file with the vatican. She is my healer, my therapist, my lover, and the only person who knows about ALL the dark corners in my soul, yet loves me so much she knows just where to keep the light away from. Some things are better dark. Real dark if you want my opinion. And she gets that. Bad is good, as long as love is the security guard, if you get my meaning. She does, which is all that matters. If you ever meet someone that has walked the line, lived a life on paths rarely travelled, and happens to be about the smartest creature to be found, then you met my woman.

Where i once took risk at the expense of only personl loss, my gal has given me the strength to take risk that has no failure state. How can i lose anything as long as i have such a bright light in my life, showing me that anything is possible? Reminding me that i am a good person, when no one else takes the time. Every question i have about myself is answered when i look into her eyes. I wish i could look there now.

Today i went and looked at land and homes for sale in mexico, and i have not felt such a feeling of hope and possibility since the day andrea asked me to marry her at the highest point in Paris (the second best day ever, aside from the day she said "I do".) That i may actually be able to build a home for her, and the beautiful children that are in our future, is the reason why some dark god put me here on earth. I am a passionate man, with my passion dedicated to making a life with my lady. Her belief in this troubled man has allowed me to follow dreams, and make new ones with her in a new land. I would not be here in mexico if i didn't have such an overwhelming desire to be with her all day, every day, every night, always.
I feel heart-break again, but it is fading feeling, since my love is coming back, though i wish it was in moments, not days. We have not spent many days apart in our years together, and i hope that we never spend many days apart in the millinium to come. There is no need. With my woman,I am truly a man with nothing to hide - so why be alone? Ok, i shit alone, but that is a given, and honestly, best for everyone. And though George Thoroghgood drinks alone, i would rather drink with my woman.

On monday, i'll be humming Cat Stevens' "here comes my baby, here she comes now"...with the excitement of a child on christmas morning. That's when my baby come home. My love for my woman. it is mightier that swords...and romance ain't dead, it just moved to mexico.

andrea, me gustas tu. me gusta el mar, me gusta tu, me gusta mexico, me gusta tu, me gusta tu amor, me gusta tu, me gusta nuestro futuro, me gusta tu, me gusta tequila, me gusta tu, me gusta marijuana, me gusta tu, me gusta la noche....con vos.

i always cry at endings.

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